Fire Side Chats

You know who is inspiring? Other runners. Like real live ones.

Last night I joined in on a 200ish person training run at Ronald McDonald House for the Summerfest Half. It was five miles (or nine if you're a rockstar!) around the Tosa area in a wet sloppy frigid March-style mess. While I wasn't nervous about it, as I've run a dozen races by myself and showed up to many of them all alone...I was sort of lonely on the drive there. I almost posted the training run on Facebook to see if any of my friends happened to be going, but refrained.

Well immediately upon my arrival, a woman started chatting with me! She looked to be late 30s or so and definitely a runner. She was helping out at the event, running the 5mi, but not running the Half in July since the longest she's run is 6mi. I was like, say WHAT girl? You could totally do it! Anyway, she ran with me for a couple miles and apologized a billion times for being so chatty, but I loved it!! I even chimed in...despite the fact that I was trying to hide the sections where I was out of breath ;) She was fast! We parted ways at the end of the run, she told me she'd catch up later.

I joined the runners congregated in the RMH and shoved free pizza, chocolate chip cookies, and Gatorade into my pie hole. Again, I was alone though. I sat with a couple runners and we made small talk, but they mostly chatted with one another. After they left, two 50-something dudes, JB and Joe, sat down and they were awesome!! We all talked about the various races we've run, etc. Joe looked and talked exactly like Kevin Spacey, so that was fun! The woman from earlier (Lorie I think?) sat down with us eventually too.

I left RMH feeling really happy! I had run a solid 5 (in the rain!) with lots of cool, sweet people, and it reminded me that I don't always have to do things by myself. I'm not really a group person. I never really wanted to join a running club like Badgerland Striders or Team in Training...but maybe I shouldn't rule that sort of stuff out.

Well at the very least I can ride this high for a little longer since I am both a. running a race and b. running said race with a FRIEND this Saturday!!! I can already tell I'm going to have a blast even if I don't run my best!

old people

So on my long run last weekend, I was really hurtin around mile 5.5 or so. In other words, too early to be tired on a long run! I vowed to stop and stretch at the turnback point. There, an older gent on a walk came up to me and asked "how much?" While I may have looked like a sporty prostitute (I was sweaty?), I assumed he meant mileage and I answered "only seven today." Only seven. For whatever reason I feel like the whole world is running marathons and seven miles is a puny weekday run right at the beginning of everyone's training cycle. He replied, "that's great! Are you training for a marathon?" (see!!) I answered, "No, the Summerfest Half in July." He nodded and delved into a tale about how he ran the first Lakefront Marathon back in 1981. He said he was in his 50s when he did it, so this guy had to have 80-something! He said that he had felt amazing at mile 20 and then it just crashed and burned from there and he barely crossed the finish. At the end of the story, he got pretty whistful and said he wished he could still run. I just nodded along, iterated how amazing it was that he ran a marathon, but should said, "hey, you're out here walking!" My grandpa's 85 and pretty active himself, but I'm positive these two men are a rare breed amongst the octogenarians out there! In any case, my present came back to me and I realized that I can be tired at mile 5.5 but no complaining about it missy because right in front of me stands my future. No, not any time soon, God forbid, but eventually. And I'll be out taking an early morning walk being passed by PYTs training for a marathon. I hope I'll be as sweet as this gentleman and ask "how much?"

My eight mile run today was filled with rain and wind rather than inspirational elderly people. Not as fun. And it was tough, so I really could've used an old guy's praises! But I'll have to rely on myself once in awhile I suppose.

Idiot

Remember a few days ago when I waxed poetic about all the fun healthy food we can eat? Well literally hours later I was as sick as a dog (are dogs known for their illnesses?) with some sort of digestive toxin running rampant through my body. What on God's Green Earth did I eat NOW? If you've been following me for the past couple years (...aaaaand my whole life) I get stomach flu/food poisoning a lot, like at least twice a year, if not more. Everyone's got their 'thing' and mine is bacteria. Colds and flues and stomach bugs are lurking around every corner and there's nothing I can do about it...no matter how healthy I eat and drink. In any case, after this happened so SOON after that blog post, I feel like a huge idiot and had to share. My boyfriend even razzed me about it. He eats several pounds of sugar a day and rarely gets sick. Although I think he's currently feelin' what I was feelin' so it must've been bad. So here I am today taking a risk with my first "real meal" since Monday of turkey and pepper jack on wheat, carrot sticks, apple sauce, (and some kettle chips, don't tell anyone).

For whatever reason over lunch here, I skimmed back in my blog for race posts. Maybe it's because my favorite runner Claire is tackling her first MARATHON tomorrow and I can practically feel her tumbling emotions from way up here in Menomonee Falls! She's put her time and miles in and no matter what happens, she's going to have a blast at this thing!! And that thought made me ponder races in a new way. We all know races are fun; the competition, the people, the fun snacks afterward...all good stuff. But races are seriously the cherry on top of the sundae, particularly for people who really train for something, whether it be finishing a long ass distance or getting a new PR time. It's the reward for all your hard work. My POINT is that I dare say race day excitement is something you have to EARN! I'm looking forward to earning that excitement again. And Claire, grab onto every detail you can tomorrow...you've earned the crap out of it! ;)

Ahhh, there it is!

Ok, backstory, so I started getting back into the whole "running thing" end of January into February. A couple runs here and there. Got sick, took a weekish off, blah blah blah. Honestly, the only real thing that got me going again was the fact that I signed up for the Rock n' Sole Summerfest Half Marathon here in Milwaukee back in...???...well, what feels like ages ago and it was probably about time I start training for it. Yeek! Remember at the beginning of the year, my main focus became OTHERS for once? Well talk about a shot of happy juice! Focusing outward, rather than inward, was just what the doctor ordered! I was able to get out of my head and back into what inspired me to run in the first place: the journeys, goals, trials, tribulations, and SUCCESSES of others!

In any case, you already know this mumbo jumbo and I apologize for boring you with my waxing. I have a point! Up to this juncture of--well, I guess I'm calling it "re-training"...a word I never want to use again!--I've kind of been, let's say, mailing it in? Not that I'm blah about running, but basically I have miles I want to get in, days/hours I can do them in, AND I go to the gym. I mean running on a treadmill? That's about as auto-pilot as you can get! In addition to this mentality, I've also had really difficult runs. Like as in...all of them. No run has been easy or even mild. I always end my runs (and these are 2-4 miles ONLY) extremely winded, tired, and wanting to have stopped a mile or two previously. It just FEELS different than when I used to run. I mean duh, I'm nearly starting from scratch. But I keep on keepin' on and I increase the mph even though it's hard. Like real hard.

Well, my friends, I made it. Huh? Where? What now? Yesterday I ran four miles and it was difficult, but GREAT. It just felt, I don't know...RIGHT! I felt strong and my breath wasn't challenged and winded, but rather strong and...purposeful! I honestly said to myself: ahhhhh there it is. The feeling I had been waiting for, but too scared to chase after because of all the ego hoopla from before. I have this little person in my head that says, "guhhhhmyGOD it's JUST running, who cares?!?!" That same little person was putting me on auto pilot this whole time. Telling me just to DO it and check the emotion at the gym door. Well the bubble has done been busted because I tasted what it was like to be proud of myself again!

One of my last posts discussed mantras and because of Beth's jewelry giveaway, I started to wonder...can I adjust my new mantra "I have never finished a run and wished I hadn't done it" into one single word? I can.

Afterwards.

The highest high I ever feel (that's um, natural) is after I finish a run, especially an important one! Like a long distance trainer or a race. It is truly an emotion that transcends this world sometimes.

Afterwards. That's what will get stamped onto my trendy necklace tag if I ever snag one ;) I asked if you have a mantra...well here's a dooze: Do you have one SINGLE word that really speaks to you? (Take your time, I had to think about it!)

My heroes.

Just wanted to give a huge shoutout to the subject of my recent blatherings, Beth Risdon. As I previously wrote, she developed a femoral neck stress fracture six months ago, but remained determined to run Boston today. One of those six months were spent in crutches, several not running, and the brunt taking it as easy as her psyche would allow...her longest training run was 15 miles, a mere two miles over a Half Marathon, with the bulk of her training done in a local pool water-running. Training is only half the battle as it was also Beth's determination, guts, and confidence that got her to Boston. Although she was determined to take this race easy as finishing was her main goal, it's quite possible that the last few miles were totally grueling as her physical state began to break down, and she had to rely on sheer will to carry her the rest of the way. And I can only imagine a fraction of the euphoria that triumphed over the pain and exhaustion she felt as she crossed the finish line. I hope, above all else, she felt an enormous sense of pride!

I really don't know Beth from Henrietta, but following her story has been nothing short of inspirational. It's been said that about 1% of the population will run a marathon in their lifetime. I wonder what percentage of the population daydreams about running a marathon, but...just...doesn't. All I'm saying is that seemingly ginormous goals truly are attainable when we work hard at them. Yeah yeah, cliche, but it's an important piece of the puzzle that is so often trumped by giving into adversity (there's no adversity in my life and I STILL have trouble sticking to my goals!)

In any case, here's to people everywhere who set their sights on a goal that is anything but a sure thing. Here's to people who take risks, who own the trials they may face, who earn their accolades for the work they put in. Thanks for being an inspiration to us all!

Words to live by

Mantras are wonderful things, and you gotta live by mantras that speak personally to you. My usual life mantra is "the sweet is never as sweet without the sour," picked up from Jason Lee's character in Vanilla Sky. Good feels a hell of a lot better when we have a bad batch of bad to compare it to.

Then there's the one I constantly throw around to my friends, family, and total strangers "life is not designed for our comfort, but for our struggle, for in struggle there is growth." And to add to that: I believe growth gives us purpose--something to live for--and I don't know about you, but I find comfort in that!

As for running, the world is bursting with inspirational mottos. But something I found today really hit home for me: yet another gem from SUAR Girl aka Beth Risdon:

"I have never finished a run and wished I hadn't done it."

It's not complicated and it's something I can calmly digest when my alarm goes off at 5:30am. Or when I'm exhausted at the end of a classic Kohl's day and didn't listen to my alarm at 5:30am. Or when a half marathon seems daunting as I'm losing energy at Mile 4.

I've never finished a run and wished I hadn't done it.

No matter how frustrated we get on our runs that don't go so well, deep down we know we're ridiculously awesome for having gotten out there. A few more miles on the old shoes is a badge of honor no matter how shitty we felt that day.

Do you have a personal motto or mantra that helps you get out of your warm oven of a bed or through the hot magma you occasionally feel like you're running in?

[Sidebar: I got a really good motto in an email from running-bud Claire: "Get comfortable with being uncomfortable." Now THAT says running haha!]

If Beth Can Do It...

So somewhere between now and three months ago, I went from 22 to 52 followers. I must've got caught in someone's net back there!

To recap, my promise to myself this year was to take the pressure of all this running and blogging and run-blogging, and instead, be inspiring, be kind, and be mindful of embracing exercise rather than condemning it every two seconds. For the past three months, I've taken up running once again after our breakup. I've been doing something I've always criticized: treadmill running. As part of my journey to walk run in other people's shoes, I've decided to be less critical and more open to the various ways people train. Sure, once I was a super-hardcore/glutton-for-punishment runner in the winter, but I'm ok with putting that aside to run in the [too]warm gym at 6am instead of the bitter elements.

For those of you who have dealt with starting-from-scratch running, you'll be delighted to know that this is precisely how I currently feel about my status as a runner. With my 5k PR at 25:30 (~8:15min miles), this year I can barely do a 5k in under 32 minutes (~10:15min miles). Am I complaining? Maybe a little, but I'm mostly embracing it as a humble experience. It certainly takes the pressure off!

So with that said, it's not Monday, but I am inspired by another one of my fellow run-bloggers. She's practically a celeb in the run-blog world...the Shut Up And Run girl, aka Beth. And while "Shut Up And Run" is a great mantra, because of her backstory, I often find myself using the more-appropriate mantra "What Would Beth Do?" And if you read any of the following references to her blog, you'll find that while she does shut up occasionally, more often she is honest, she is accepting, she never takes herself too seriously, and she is pee-or rather poo-your pants hilarious. By applying all of these qualities to your own life, whether it be in your exercise, your work, or even your relationships with people, I think we could all feel a lot more satisfied with our lives.

(showing me ice-bathing is the way to go)


The Spark Notes version of her story is that she's a Ultra Awesome Boston-Qualified Marathon Runner who got hurt...bad (femoral neck) and hobbled her way through, now, nearly six months of rehab to get where she is today: ready to run the Boston Marathon as she had planned pre-injury. Sure she won't run it as fast as she could've when she qualified. But she's gonna damn-well run it. And probably with a much more positive and engaged mentality than pre-injury to boot!

The [not so?]funny thing is, this has happened to her before. Just a month prior to her injury-announcement, she wrote a post about over-training in which she describes her LAST stress-fracture (this time in her foot) a year ago that put her out for two months. Clearly, my girl is no stranger to running injuries. But as she admits, it can be difficult to not want to push...to push through the pain you aren't supposed to push through. While I can't relate to her stellar marathon skills, I can relate to pushing past the point of good-for-you. Not even physically so much, but mentally. It can wear you down...like a stress fracture of the mind, excuse the cheese ;)

In any case, Beth is a role model to many a runner out there, especially new runners. Despite her injuriEESSS, she takes a moment to mourn, and then gets right back out there. I mean she freaking water-runs and for over an HOUR. Why? Because it's good for you when you can barely walk without crutches that's why!

But honestly, if I thought running on a treadmill was boring, I can hardly imagine what water-running for an hour must be like. Eff running in the bitter cold, THIS is hardcore :)

In an effort to cram-pack this post with as many link-references to Beth's blog, I will leave you with this final post. If you haven't read any of the above, read this, because I think it truly encapsulates Beth's attitude, humility, and perseverance. If you've ever dealt with any set-backs--even if it's just a "mental" stress-fracture--this helps you feel connected again...you're not alone.

What Would Beth Do becomes What Would You Do?

And as Beth quotes:
“If you relax your mind into every situation exactly the way it is and accept that fact without any ifs, ands, or buts, then you can gain peace, self-acceptance, and the ability to allow solutions. Otherwise, you are locked in that place of your past behaviors which created your present reality.” (source)

'Something' Mondays

Ok so I have this idea to, from time to time, feature someone I know who has rocked it out athletically and in a unique way. And since Mondays usually blow, I think Mondays are a good day to feel inspired. But I can't come up with anything punny or cute as a moniker, sooooo ideas are welcome!

Well there are less than two hours left in this week's Monday and I'm determined to get this going! So this week you can be inspired on Tuesday, which--as my dear friend Nicole oft declares--is the new Monday. (I tend to agree.)

The first person who came to mind when I was throwing this whole new outlook together is my running blogger friend Claire. I'm not so sure she'd be thrilled to be up on my pedestal today but tough cookies!!

Anyone that spends any significant time around me has heard of barefoot running. Not because I do it, but because I wanna. Well Claire does it. And not just like to be cool or something. She literally runs barefoot, runs barefoot well, and has even decided to march in a bucket o' gravel to maintain her sweet barefeet (she's not crazy, people do this!) in the "off-season"...I use air quotes because in Claire's world there IS no off-season! She runs in the bitter cold and snow (YUP! Barefoot!)

Our story began last year...she somehow discovered my own blog and it turned out we both were determined to train for our first half marathon despite kinda being newbies to the game, more or less. She always gave me the best pep talks, pep types? Well our Halfs were on the exact same day and it was pretty cool having someone going through the same thing I was that day. Very exciting. Also very cool that we basically got the same time! But speaking of times, what I especially wanted to point out about Claire is that it's not really about numbers and schedules. Oh sure she's got her numbers and schedules! But underneath it all is this absolute FIRE. Her running career isn't completely driven by numbers (like mine might have been), but by this undying passion to run. If anyone ever thought I was motivated, well you've got another think coming. This girl ain't messin!

And guess what? She uses her power for good! She's trained a bunch of newbies to run their first 5Ks...people who never thought they'd ever run. Like ever. She has inspired her own family too! It's like she exudes this addicting running elixir!!! There are some of us out here who inspire people in a general way. These people might say to themselves: "I wish I could do that" or "I should get off my lazy ass like they do." But with Claire, there's no wishing or shoulding or even TRYING. It's freaking go time.

She's Yoda.

And that's what I love. I won't go into her personal deets, but like many she inspires, Claire came from a place where running was daunting. Daunting because of wavering confidence in ability and the effort that would be involved. I think we all can relate to this. If anything is more inspiring than someone taking charge of her life, her health, and passing it on to others with excitement, encouragement, without a smidge of ego, and just enough tenacity to kick you in the ass when you need it...I mean seriously. Can I have a sip??

Have you ever seen Up in the Air? Do you remember the backpack? We can only fit the most important stuff in there before it feels way too heavy and those straps slice into our already burdened shoulders. Well Claire is one of those people I want to keep in my backpack. I want her there for my lowest lows because I will absolutely find my way back up. And I want her there for my highest highs because she will ALWAYS be proud of me. Never jealous or competitive. And she'll keep me grounded!

And that's precisely what I want these...um...'Something' Mondays to be about: People I want to take with me. It's not even about running anymore, is it? It's about the kind of person I'd like to be all the time, every time.

Thank you Claire...I hope you continue to inspire others as you've inspired me!

'Obsessed' is how the unmotivated describe the dedicated.

Just another day...

Seeing as it's January 2nd, perhaps I won't feel so cliche about this post today.

Couple things: A few weeks ago I reread the post before this, and was honestly humbled by people who actually cared enough to not only read, but comment on it. So I returned to you a big gooey comment back. Check it out sometime! I've also noticed that there are 22 followers of this blog which boggles my mind. 22 may mean nothing to the likes of awesome mega bloggers like Beth, but to me it's like whoa. Maybe I should give these 22 people something worthwhile to read now and again.

Something worthwhile. Hmmm. What could that possibly be?

Blogs are anything from general updates and life tips to instructional how-to's and what I like to call "blagging" (blog bragging). My favorite type of blogs are obviously streams of consciousness. I feel like I can connect to people who have absolutely no idea what they're doing in life and feel the need to blather on endlessly about it. Definitely my modus operandi, if you will. However, "worthwhile" reading material and streams of consciousness are like oil and vinegar, aren't they? In other words, do I really have anything to add to the world of words? Or am I basically adding to the Too Much Informational Superhighway?
Sigh.

Year One of my running career was humbling and exciting: I soaked up the information others imparted to me in order to learn how to run. Year Two of my running career was very self-centered, and in a way it needed to be so I could reach lofty goals I set for myself. Well Year 3 will bring something entirely different. I've decided that this year I need to run more presently in other people's shoes (or bare feet perhaps!) I need to look through the eyes of those around me rather than focus inward so much. I have to think about how my actions would make other people happy rather than living solely for my own personal gains. 2010 was a super easy year for me. Nothing nightmarish happened and I think it made me lazy. Sometimes Too Much of a Good Thing is not such a good thing and we forgot that "the world isn't designed for our comfort but for our struggle, for in struggle there is growth." Have I grown much this year? Hmmm.....

I fulfilled all of my January 2010 running goals. Did this make me grow? In some ways, sure. I learned to accept physical and mental pain. I learned how to harvest motivation and turn it into discipline. But when all is said and done, why do I feel empty? Why did I feel like a sham? Apparently...at least for me...there's no point to lofty goals and discipline if the only one who really gains anything is me and me alone. I was at the top of the mountain, super excited and proud of myself!! But a few minutes later, I realized there was no one there to keep me company on the long climb down.

This year I'm not going to make any goals except for the following: Absolutely and completely change the way I think about running. Fellow run-blogger Maggie posted a contest to win a necklace that simply states "Love to Run." Mentioning said contest is not my way of picking up another entry. Her contest got me thinking about how I'm the last person in the running world that deserves something like this around my neck. Thus, what I must do this year is earn it, figuratively speaking. I need to look at running in a completely new way. This includes, but is definitely not limited to the following:

1. Inspire rather than brag. Practice sincerity and altruism rather than kindness for the sake of personal gain.

2. Run for others, whether for charity or to simply help out a beginner or someone who is struggling.

3. Embrace exercise as a way to celebrate the physical life that I've been given and connect to others who feel the same way, rather than close myself off and treat running like a Me and Me Alone experience.

4. Above all else, look at the world as someone who needs a best friend. As sappy Saccharin thanks-for-making-me-vom-in-my-mouth as this sounds, I'm very serious! This world needs more people who care about it.

And I'm also very serious about this change and it's pretty frightening because I know how difficult it will be. 31 years young and I can already say I'm pretty set in my ways. I can be a real sarcastic asshole sometimes. (Sarcastic assholes can be pretty hilarious though, am I right?!) At the end of the day though, I have to happy with what I'm putting out there in the world...which brings us FULL CIRCLE to how I started this thing (I knew we'd get there!)

If I find something worthwhile to tell you about...something unbraggy, inspirational, or wise...I'll write about it. This year my blog won't be so much about schedules, personal records, and race recaps. Rather I want to focus outward...I want to celebrate you and celebrate what it means to be an inspiration. I'm going to need some BIG TIME help though, I definitely can't do this alone. So keep an eye out for my extended hand!

Good luck to everyone and their goals this year. I know several who are attempting their first Super Lofty Goal: marathons, barefoot races, Ironmans, oh my!! I promise to be in your corner cheering YOU on for once!

Must own?

If this blog was always about how awesome I am at running, well that wouldn't be much fun would it?? I think deep down we all find something slightly motivational in the failure of others. Because it makes them human. It makes them just like one of us.

Well I haven't been awesome at running in quite a good while. But what IS awesome? Perhaps just getting your ass out there is awesome enough. Well, I haven't been doing that either. So enter non-awesome. Remember when the whole point of this blog, the whole point of running was that I "must run"?? Well at this juncture, I write more about NOT running than running and that's ridiculous. It's redonkulous.

So Al's Run (8K) was Saturday. You may or may not recall that Al's Run was my Big Huge Goal when I started running last year...the shiny golden carrot I was running toward the entire summer. And at the end of the road I had a shiny golden 42:41 PR in my back pocket. This past Saturday morning, before the race, I cued up the ol' blog post and I knew...I just knew that it would be totally unattainable this year. A year where I ran not one, but two Half Marathons. What I didn't know, however, is how unattainable "unattainable" would truly be.

51:56

Let me throw it out there again, folks. 51:56.

Now I will NOT knock any runner out there who's run five miles in 52 minutes. In many circumstances that is a respectable time. Not only that but running five miles in GENERAL is a respectable distance! There was no possible way in all that is true that I could run five miles two years ago. However, in my teeny tiny personal running history, five miles in 52 minutes is atrocious. What's more atrocious is that running five miles in 52 minutes wasn't even easy! I walked three times. I was pretty uncomfortable throughout miles 2.5-5. And yet I ran 13.1 miles in 2 hours and 18 minutes A MONTH AGO. I have a 10K coming up in two weeks and I'm 95% leaning toward shuttin' that shit down. That's out of control.

Now while apparently a month is enough time to completely deteriorate as a runner, I think there's something else going on. Running is nearly 100% mind over matter. And my brain, my attitude, my spirit isn't in the game. I went into this race having already failed.

Where's the girl with the Half Marathon medal and the smiles and the flying and the magic??

About a year and a half ago I found something I loved to do, so I worked hard, and became successful. Now...not. Not loving it, not working hard at it, not being successful at it. So where do I go from there? If you fall out of love with something, do you rekindle or do you walk away? I thought autumn would be like the romantic spark to get me back on board. But that hasn't happened.

Time. My life is completely different from when I started this gig. I'm not single like I was a year and a half ago. Living with a boyfriend is a lot different than living with a sister. A lot more time gets sunk into relationship stuff. And since I took this new job, nearly 14 additional hours of my time per week is devoted to that job, and driving to and from that job. Fourteen hours. So I'm "working" 54 hour weeks. This includes whole lunch hours I no longer receive...hours that I used to run at my old job which is literally an impossibility at the new one.

Ok now I'm just getting whiny.

But seriously, it's just...not...happening for me. And the worst part is that I don't even have kids to blame all this on. The very excuse my friends have given me when defending their inability to exercise on a regular basis...and even THEY find time to get some runs in. It's all badness swirling around. Badness and guilt. Aching guilt. Because I thought this was gonna be my thing. But it's not. Because all the other runners around me don't have this psychotic inner turmoil when it comes to something as simple as running.

Maybe Rachael and Rachel are right...maybe I just have to own it. Just say, fuck it. I'm not an awesome runner who is obsessed with it anymore. I lost my mojo. Don't know if it'll be back. "...I'm sorry I'm not sorry." I'm over it.

And I'd like to flip it and reverse it. Most of the people, runners, I encounter do a pretty damn good job of owning their running abilities, no matter what stage they're at. They don't do a lot of comparing, contrasting, complaining...in other words, the opposite of Katie here. And I'm down with that. I need to be more supportive of everyone's individuality and ownership, rather than focusing inward and trying to barf it all over everyone all the time. I.e. this post. A lot of word vomit in this post and most of it is making excuses and railing on myself. Well I'm done. I'm over it. Maybe running will be fun for me again some day. Maybe not. But feeling guilty about it is dumb. And to anyone whom *I ever inspired in any sort of a way... that will never ever leave the depths of my heart. Honestly. And if there are any scraps at the bottom of the barrel that is my love for running, well you're right there to help me dig them out.

So that's it! Readers keep running or writing or loving or whatever you do best. And when you're over it, no biggie.

Chicago Half 'Cap

Alright then! So here are some thoughts I took from the Chicago Half Marathon! Neg stuff outta the way first.

Did you know that 20,500 people registered for this race and only 13,500 finished? So apparently I wasn't the only one unprepared. But I DID finish! While my time was a mere three minutes slower than my first half, I worked my ass off to BE three minutes slower. Huh? Let me explain. While part of the three minutes contained a very small handful of breaks to briefly stretch and take iPhone photos...


a majority of it was me falling apart in the last three miles. In fact I was ahead of schedule up until then and by a lot! See, at the Expo the day before, I grabbed this free 2:15 pace tattoo. They had them for all 15min increments between like 1:30 and 3:00 or so. Pretty freaking sweet. And you KNOW I looked hardcore with a ginormous pace tatt on my forearm!! Anyway, so up until miles 9 and 10 I was AHEAD of my pace by upwards of, wait for it...three freaking minutes. For example, mile 4? I hit it around 38 minutes. My 2:15 pace tatt screamed 41 minutes at me. And while I cockily pumped my fist to the sky mouthing the lyrics to "Empire State of Mind," I should've been SLOWING THE EFF DOWN. Well, as I said, I learned my lesson in the final three miles when I literally wanted to die. In fact I passed people who looked dead on the side of the street or on stretchers and I thought: Hm yeah, that's about right.

My friends, the sun was hot that day. The temp was crisp and, indeed, hinted at autumn. But the sun, my God the sun. I didn't wear sunglasses thinking for some reason that I'd be fine. But I probably poured like seven cups of water over my head throughout the second half which was entirely facing south into that giant white ball of horror. HOW was it so hot??? A friend just wrote me that he was at the race rooting for his wife's sisters and spotted me at mile 12. He said I was smiling. Squinting in burning agony is more like it.

Aside from my too-quick start and the sun, two additional debilitating things were 1. being nauseous the entire race--like the ENTIRE race--and 2. my feet.

Not sure why I was nauseous?? Perhaps it was eating a half of a PB sandwich at 5am. They say never change what you eat before a race, so therefore I guess I should've eaten nothing. But that was TWO HOURS before I actually ran, so should've been fine. I only ate one gel at the 3-4 mile mark as I couldn't stomach another one. That might've killed me in the end too.

And my feet....HURT. As I said some other time, I wore the shoes I trained in the first time around...my orangies. The orangies are far from broken in and were replaced for a reason, but preferable to the pinks ones that I've given up on. So ALL pieces of my feet felt shattered by the end of the race from my arches to my heels to my ankles and Achilles to the toe part where bunions typically form (that area was the worst). Sighhhh shoes. Sidebar, you know what didn't and still doesn't hurt? My KNEES! The one part of my body that gave me the most trouble for the past year and a half. I think I might have to thank the 2-3 flights of Kohl's stairs 4x a day. Go go gadget quads!!

Now maybe I should stop pointing a finger at all this stuff and see those other three fingers pointing right back at me! As I started this post...Yeah I was unprepared. Even with my jump start and being ahead-of-the-game for the majority of the race, the second half was horrible because I didn't train as hard. Sure, I didn't fall apart so badly I had to pull a DNF. But I felt like I was scraping at an old frying pan for the last bits of caked on food particles, ANYTHING to fuel those final minutes. I don't regret not training as hard. But now I know better. Now I know how it feels to be unprepared.

MEANWHILE. I had fun.

WHAT?? Haha! No really, this race--this entire WEEKEND--was an absolute freaking BLAST. I said I was going to do this for enjoyment and I totally did. I mentioned the Jay Z fist-pumping right? That was a huge highlight. I felt amazing at that mile 4 moment, like nothing could stop me.

Another highlight? The weather. (But you just said??) Ah whatever, the sun sucked, but the perfect blue sky looked gorgeous behind the Chicago skyline and refreshing breeze felt absolutely wonderful.


Best highlight? The crowd...having spectators lined up along THE ENTIRETY of the race route, cheering us on. And because we had our first names on our bibs, people would find them and yell them out! I mean seriously!! But the cherry on the top was when I felt like absolute crap and I passed a teenage girl who said, "...Aw, I want to start running." My eyes well up just thinking about that. I mean I couldn't have asked for anything better at that point.

And finally...the moment. The finish line. The medal.


I will admit that the phrase "I want to quit" crept up in my mind a healthy portion of times...I saw people stop and just leave the course in the middle of the race. Buuuut I heard my inner whiny child-voice say, "no, but your medal!" Haha! Man it's like a dog without a bone! So I passed the finish line, perfectly satisfied when I stopped my watch at 2:18, and stumbled (literally stumbled) through the crowd with my sweaty mitts on my medal (SERIOUSLY Katie, you did not WIN the Chicago Half Marathon). Then I was handed a bottle of water, a banana, a granola bar, and...oh my sweet Lord, a delicious chocolate chip cookie. It was like manna from the Gods. I shoved it directly into my cookie hole, chocolate smeared everywhere. Oh it was glorious!

And with that I took note of the fact that this is why I race. I mean in addition to the ability to shove cookies into my mouth, I think I race to undergo that incredible transition from feeling the worst ever, to feeling the best ever. And this is the recipe for life. We don't know ups unless we know downs. The sweet ain't as sweet without the sour. Despite being probably the toughest and most painful of the handful of races I've done in the past 14 months, this particular race will probably go down as my favorite: From the conversation-packed ride to/from Milwaukee with my friend Mark, to the absolute hilarity and scrumptiousness at carb-loading dinner with Mark, Monica, Tim (plus Crystal's tiramisu cot and my lemon pounding).


From my silly stupid pre-Half dreams ("you can race it, but you're not getting a medal"), to the feeling of pure happiness post-Half, as I vegged on the couch, Miller Lite in one hand, a piece of Lou Malnati's pizza in the other, watching the Bears sort-of win....ahh it was perfect, absolutely perfect.

Where is she now?


My legs are like twisted pieces of rubber, doused with Sriracha cock sauce, and lined with barbed wire that has been coated in hawk talons and anacondas that are squeezing every muscle fiber till they all pop. I think it took me 20 minutes to walk downstairs yesterday and at work I've resorted to the elevator. I put off going to the bathroom as long as I can so I can avoid getting out of my chair. And this is ALL after immediately replacing my glycogen (see: chocolate chip cookie), replenishing my fluids (bottles of water and Poweraid PRE AND POST-Miller Lite), and stretching lots and lots and lots. Clearly I must've worked hard because I didn't even feel a fraction of this aftermath when I ran that 16 miler. Sigh. I look forward to being able to walk without looking like a 90 year old who rode a horse for twenty-five straight days.

And when I can RUN again, what's my plan? I have a 5K in two weeks, an 8K in four weeks, a 10K in six weeks, and a 15K in seven weeks. So that's all sounds doable hey? Yikos. Better heal up quick!! And invest in SOME sort of footwear while I'm also barefoot training. Ah barefoot training...that should be interesting.

Anyway, thanks Chicago Half Marathon for some seriously awesomely good memories!! See you next year, questionmark??? ;)


~stats

Run Bare

Three things today:

First off, I had my final long run (before the Chi Half) last weekend. My mom, sis, and I camped at Point Beach State Forest outside Two Rivers, WI. I mapped out 14 miles before I left, memorized road names, and had the run looming on my mind for days prior. Fun!

Now we all remember my last 14 miler three weeks before my first half. Lots of pain. Lots of tears. Well this one would prove to be some more of the same. Not necessarily pain, however. Here goes: 3 miles into the route, I came up on the road I would be running back on. It was SUPER bright and sunny. Aka: super bright sun I wouldn't want to run back into at the end of my run. So I decided to reverse the loop I planned. Mistake. I totally got lost. I've been camping at Point Beach for nine years now, but I don't really venture into T'Rivers. Long story short, I went two miles out of my way to find my route back. I ran along this combo of roads, back and forth back and forth back and forth, trying to figure out where the heck I was. The road name was correct, but the sun was in the wrong place! Haha! Anyway, being lost totally zaps your energy. And this was only six miles in. I was 4 miles from the campsite and my mind just gave up. I stopped to walk and just felt sorry for myself and started thinking about my mom and sis just waiting there for me, worried about where I was. I just burst into tears. I know, such a drama queen. But getting lost when you're running really f*cks with your mind, man. Because it's not like in a car where you can just turn around and press the gas pedal. Ok, so I walked for eight minutes...huge drops of salty discharge streaming down my cheeks. What a display. After the eight minutes were up, I started running again and yelled at myself a bunch. I rolled into our campsite and let 'er rip once again (seeing your mom does that to you sometimes). She and my sis gave me water and peach nectar juice and started cookin' up some mean breakfast burritos and I felt worlds better. Final tally: roughly 16miles...exactly 3 HOURS of running (well minus that eight minutes haha!). Definitely a PR even though it lacked some grace.

Second, I received a FANtastic piece of "fan mail" the other week. I think maybe it was my second or third email since I started this blog a year and a half ago. There truly is nothing more inspiring than someone reaching out to take the time to thank you for something. This blog isn't much more than a stream of consciousness. Mostly complaining. But we're all in this together and if there's anything I blather on about that can possibly be helpful, well then, hey, it's all worth it I guess! So thanks Michelle!! I hope you heal up quick and get right back out there!!

Third, barefoot running.

I have a friend who is literally obsessed with running barefoot. He's up on his big puffy barefoot cloud looking down on us silly, small-minded, shoe'd dummyheads who have no idea how big of a mistake we're making. I was NOT a fan of this. But when I got an email that barefoot runner Michael Sandler was stopping at my local running store with his fiancee to talk about it, I thought: hey, maybe I'll check it out, just so I can tell my friend I've given it a chance.

Wow.

Talk about an eye-opener. I'm going to have to write an entirely separate post devoted to all the ways my mind has been changed, but in short: shoes suck. Ok they don't completely suck. And Michael doesn't think so either. They serve purposes. Like becoming hand weights ;) No no, seriously, running shoes still take part in training, but runners don't have to rely on them so heavily.

Shoes mess you up though. After listening to the science, there's really no denying it at this point. Anyone who has ever had issues with knee pain, IT band pain, arch pain...even NECK pain, you could potentially trace it back to running shoes. And we all think: "well I must need different running shoes." I myself just wrote in a past post: "I need new shoes. My feet hurt." New shoes? How about NO shoes.

SO! I drank the Koolaid, I purchased Barefoot Running, and I'm going to give this a whirl. It takes awhile to build up, however. And as Michael had us all repeat three times: "I will only go 200 yards on my first run!" So this past Tuesday, I put my shoes in my hands, and ran two blocks barefoot. Invigorating to say the least! Like I'm a kid again. After my 8 mile yesterday, I took off my shoes and ran four blocks. Then iced my feet :) Ever since the seminar, I try to go barefoot as often as possible. Through the Target parking lot, on the route to church, and I don't put my work shoes on until I step inside the building and I have QUITE the trek from car to building (let's just say I get to work on the later side...)


If you've ever considered running barefoot, there are probably 340350325 concerns that tell you not to. I'll address some of the ones I had next post. At the end of the day though, this running thing has been quite the struggle for lil ol' Katie ever since the spring Half. I just don't feel it. I don't have that "I love running" except in fleeting moments that are ruined by pain and frustration. I need a change. I can't do the same old thing anymore. Even after only a year and a half. Starsky's bored. So I'm giving this a shot. This and the whole Run Bare attitude: running isn't about times and PRs and mileage. It's supposed to be fun. I'd like to have fun while running again.

Running!!

Now that the weather is cooler and the humidity is gone, running is wonderful again!! Ok I've only run twice this month. TWICE. And I have a half marathon in less than a month?? Ooook. No but get this:

1. I've come to terms with this Half not being the Half for me. Some people can train just fine in the humidity. Maybe they don't like it, but they do it anyway. I'm looking at you Claire ;) The winter was brutal, but I kept at it. When the wind was just too icy I bought a balaclava. When the sidewalks were covered with a foot of snow, I barreled through them. But in my own mind nothing can help humidity...except running indoors. Now, next year I think I might invest in a gym membership during the summer months, but that doesn't battle dreadmill boredom. Which leads me to...

2. With a month left, I was so fed up with not being able to run, I attempted to find some sort of indoor access. I had to rule out a day pass (do these still exist?) at the Y because I wasn't sure how I'd be able to handle running 144 times around the track (to do 12 miles). I also ruled out the Pettit Nat'l Ice Center's track because of the Wisconsin State Fair burgling the parking, causing its close to the public. I finally decided on using my parents' Nordic Track which is NOT a treadmill and five billion times harder than running!!! I could only do an hour. Which in Nordo time is apparently THREE MILES??? You've gotta be kidding me. I wasn't aware at how much different the muscle usage is...it's like riding a bike basically only standing up. The bottoms of my feet killed (like peddling would do), and my quads were worked like you wouldn't believe. Overall a GOOD workout for some cross training but not such a good substitute for a 12mi run. And staring at my parents' basement wall covered in Lord of the Rings posters and Presidential Exercise Awards "signed" by Bush himself, failed in the scenery department. All I had were the soothing sounds of Ira Glass to whisk me away.

3. The humidity broke this past Sunday and I didn't have time to squeeze two hours in, so I saved it for bright and early Monday morning before work. 5am, two hours and eight minutes, a SPECK shy of 12 miles. The weather was PERFECT. The two episodes of TAL eased the time. And I felt pretty good. Except for my feet...which brings me to:

4. Shoes. I've barely put 250miles on my current shoes. Maybe 300? But seriously not enough to require a new pair. But my feet KILL. I know your feet aren't going to feel the greatest after 12 miles, but honestly?? There's no way I'd be able to take much more and there are people out there who run like 50miles at a time! They just, I don't know, HURT. The bottoms. It's not blisters...it's just the whole foot. Like in the bones. Now as much as I never wanted to admit it, I don't think this current pair of shoes was ever for me. I've had problems from the getgo. Like the outside of my arch hurting. What causes that?! So yeah, I'm going to bite the bullet and buy a new pair. And REALLY get checked this time. The girl who sold me my first shoes (my former HS classmate) did a great job. Those ASIC Cumulus ruled. But these Kayanos I picked out myself because they were $40 off. Stupid. In addition to my feet killing me, I did something to that tendon that's right on the top of my ankle. Some kind of tibial something or other. It got all super puffed out and bulgy about 3 hours after my run. Ice and wrapping it did wonders though as now it's fine. I've never hurt that part of my foot in my year and a half though, so now I'm wondering if THAT'S a shoe issue as well!

5. EXCITED ABOUT RUNNING! Buying new shoes for over $100 MAKES you into running again! I also downloaded the iPhone iMapMyRun app because I don't own a Garmin and I heard that this app is actually surprisingly accurate. I bought a little pouch thing that snaps around my waste to carry my gels and my iPhone fits there just fine...so I'll test it out one of these days...use the app as well as map out/time my run manually. Cool weather is right around the corner. Just gotta get through August and the Indian Summer of September. Then I'm golden! Ready to take running by storm once again!

6. With that said, because this Chicago Half Marathon is a wash for getting anywhere close to a PR (just have NOT trained hard enough), I've got my eyes set on possibly running another Half on November 6...8 weeks from Chicago. It's like long enough to retool my training but short enough where I won't just slack off and lose interest (see: the past few months). I've also got three other races on the docket in October: an 8K, a 10K, and a 15K respectively, in that order. So that'll be good for training too.

7. The end!

Race to Wrigley 5K

I'm sooooo not going to be able to do Race to Wrigley justice. But there's no way I'll be able to blog about it on my roadie, so I'll do a quick recap before heading to dreamland.

I stayed with my bestest friends ever Monica and Tim down in Hoffman Estates, IL so I didn't have to get up at 4am to drive from Milwaukee to Chicago this morning ;) They treated me like a QUEEN for the short 18ish hrs I was in town. We had mostacciolo, spinach feta almond salad, and garlic bread for dinner MMM! And then I tried going to bed early but we got distracted by Facebook Cat Nipple Hilarity WHOOPS! Got to bed between 11 and midnight and awoke to the sound of a 5:30am alarm yippie!!

After picking up some Starbucks, and poppin' in some Luda, Monica drove us to Wrigleyville and we found FREE parking right by the race yippie again!!! We hung out in the car for awhile because it was pretty chilly but NOT raining HOORAY! We took some photos [insert here] and Monica gave me a hug, wished me luck, and sent me on my way.

As a diehard Cubbies fan, I was SUPER excited about running in Wrigleyville! I was totally amped for the start! Now with 8,300+ people (a record!!) at this race, I'm gonna tell you it was pretty congested and congested the entire time. But I won't try and use that as an excuse for my shitty results. Oh wait I think I just did. No but seriously, it really does take a lot of EXTRA work when you're dodging and sprinting around people and cones. I think that's what wore me out so quickly. I just could NOT go faster no matter how hard I tried and my lungs burned?? I've felt this way during my other two runs this week too. Like I couldn't get enough air in my lungs and it hurt breathing.

I reeeeeally wanted to get under 27, and when I looked down at my watch at 26:30 with a little over block left to go, I knew, even if I sprinted, it wasn't going to happen. But that's ok because I ran inside the concourse of Wrigley Field and THAT is flipping awesome!

Monica yelled "GO KATIE!!!" really loud as I sprinted in. Meanwhile I "raced" this chick in a green shirt next to me and "won" haha ;) And then she said: "I ran behind you the whole race...thank you so much for pushing me!" WOW! I need to dwell more on cool stuff like that instead of being so self absorbed SHEESH KATIE!!!!

I grabbed my Gato and naner, found Monicat, and chatted about the race for a bit. We tooled around this make-shift Cubs Shop next to all the race stuff, and OMG she bought me a Cubbies shirt as a "congrats"?!?!?!? BESTEST FRIEND OF ALL TIME!! I was like, "no no, what do you mean?!" And she said she was inspired by me and really proud! AGAIN...less self absorption Katie, honestly!

So that rocked...we headed back to the car and had an awesome time chatting on the 30+ minute ride back to H.E. Seriously, of all the parts of the day, my favorite was the ride to and from the race in the Ion with Monica :) So cozy!!! Then I, Monica, Tim, and their nearly one year old daughter Addison Grace (as in Wrigley Field streets Addison and Grace haha!!) piled into the car and headed to Panera for post-race yumminess. They treated me too! AWWW!

So yeah, while I'm going to stop focusing so much on negativity (especially considering how awesome it felt to have such a great friend in my corner), I DO want to turn this into a fuel burning inspiration to get back into my good running days. My 5K PR is 25:30 which is crazy for someone like me. I want to get back there. I just need to add the interval type training back into my routine (which is exactly what got me that PR last year). But I need to stop talking about it and start DOING it.

But in May. Haha! Tomorrow at 7am I will officially embark on my road trip to San Bernardino and back! All car. No legs. Haha! May will hopefully be a rockin' runnin' month. Especially considering the fact that I ran six times in April SIX!!!! And two of them were races!!! What the heck?

Speaking of 7am it's currently 11pm...TO BED I SAID!

See you in May :)

My One Year Running Anniversary

So I'm going to admit that I almost completely forgot about today and how huge of a travesty would THAT've been?!! ;)

In any case, I've probably told this story several times on this blog, the Intro here and the Massive Epic Novel here. But to make a long story short, I was never able to run more than a few minutes and after that few minutes, I literally felt like absolute crap for the next couple days...sore legs and coughing...for DAYS! That shit ain't right! With several inspirations, namely my stepdad and my sister, I seriously wanted to give running one final try. If this didn't work, nothing would. I followed a very simple Beginner's Running Guide. It all began with the babiest of steps (in my mind at least): Walk a minute, run a minute, for 14 minutes.

One warm and sunny March Sunday, one year ago today, I walked a minute, and ran a minute, for 14 minutes.

And every week after that, I added an additional minute of running, per interval, to that schedule. I never strayed, aside from Week Six that I had to repeat because I just couldn't grasp running for six minutes straight all that well. It sounds so silly now, but this is my point! I started at a very very low end of the athletic scale. A place where ANYONE that has two working legs can start. Honestly.

Once I completed Weeks One through Ten, the sky was the limit. I hit all kinds of Personal Records:
-my first 5K
-my first 8K
-my coldest run (only 15 degrees which isn't that bad actually!)
-my most amount of miles in a month at 58 in February [FYI my least amount of miles was 0 in December d'oh!!]
-my fastest average pace ever: 8:04/8:13 (my watch/the race clock) min miles for my 5K last October.
-And of course, my longest distance at 12 miles this past weekend.

The Half Marathon is one more goal on a long list of goals that never really ends. And that's what rocks about running... I'll never be the runner who runs for her health, and in fact, it's probably hurting me just as much as it helps (damn my knees!) But it's the goals that push me every day! I absolutely love plowing through those imaginary finish lines and I may or may not be addicted to patting myself on the back for new PRs...I will totally admit it.

You know what I also love though? Other runners. I have found this whole new group of comrades with whom I just love reading, discussing, gushing, and complaining. Friends I never knew I had. We stick together. The best runner friends are the ones who are with you every step of the way, maybe not physically, but they're there, out in cyber Blogland or Facebook, cheering me on. I love cheering them on too, it's all part of the camaraderie. Running is a very personal sport and as the quote at the top of this blog states: "It's important to realize that whatever you're doing - it's your first attempt at it." You can't get mixed up in other people's PRs and goals and let them tangle you up. They are GREAT motivators to reach beyond yourself, but if you find you're doing it more to prove yourself to others, you'll probably get pretty disappointed. Despite its personal nature, however, most people need the support of others. I definitely need the support of others. I love it. And I hope I never stop offering my own support to my running buddies!

Anyway, looks like I made this long story long again. Classic Katie. But I just wanted to gush and, ok yeah, pat myself on the back a little. One year can abso-f'n-lutely change a person. And drastically. I can't say it enough, I COULD NOT RUN. I couldn't! I really really sucked at it. But a year later? I'm actually doing something! I thought an 8K was daunting a year ago (my original goal I wanted to reach when starting this escapade)...now I'm training for a Half that's in less than a month?!?! How Did I Get Here??? Well, I'll tell you how. By getting the heck out there on that pavement. By being in pain. By suffering setbacks. By kicking ass at goals. By my family. By my friends, personal and blogging, who cheered me on. And above all else, by having a freaking good time. Even my worst running days were running days which are GOOD days in my book.

So I've said it before and I'll say it again: anyone stumbling across this blog who has wondered what it would be like to be a runner...try it. Just give it a whirl. I mean I never really even wanted to run up until March 11thish, 2009. Something clicked in my head and I said: why not? Ok ok, it might have had a LITTLE to do with a guy I was seeing, but don't these things usually?

So to celebrate, today is actually one of my cross training days, but when I get home from work, I'm going to put on my old orange Asics, and I'm going to walk one minute, run one minute, for 14 minutes. I'm going to truly grasp how far I've come in these 365 days and 386.9 total miles!

Half Training - Week Six

It's been awhile! Much to catch up on. Topics from this past week:

1. It's Halvsies in Halfville as I'm offically halfway through my Half training. HALF!
2. 12 people were laid off in my department and it was ridiculously horrible.
3. Run for Haiti!
4. I ran my 9 miles on Saturday in 1:34:57.
5. I hate snow even more than I thought I could.
6. I have a cold...nooooooooooooo!!!!
7. PUSH UPS YES!!!!!

So yeah, halfway through! Things I've noticed? When I first started out, after my hiatus, my lungs were not up to par with the rest of my body. It partly had to do with the cold air (much colder than it's been these past few weeks at around 15 degrees) as well as still recovering from my NYE cold. Now, particularly during the 9 miles, I realize that my lungs bounced back more quickly than my body could keep up with. I have aches and pains in places I didn't know I had, but breathing couldn't be easier. My hope is that in the next six weeks, things will balance out and my body will catch up.

Back in 2007, 30 people were laid off in my department, including my sister and best work friend Nicole. Not fun times. At the beginning of 2009, maybe 3-5 more people were let go. But now we're back up in scary territory as a dozen more got the chop, including two other best work buddies. Yeah I'm lucky to STILL be here after all this, but that makes me much more sad than happy or relieved. In good news, all my close pals who lost their jobs here and now doing bigger and better things (or at least getting paid way more), so I'm sure the same will go for my other buds.

The same day of the Big Layoff, was my Virtual 4mi Run for Haiti. So I tried funneling all of my anger and frustration into the run. I made the mistake of doing it after work, instead of at lunch, where I may or may not have been indulging in a pint of Spotted Cow in honor of my fallen comrades. So traffic was a nightmare to deal with. I also screwed up my timer, so I couldn't pause it at stoplights. I had to watch the timer go by and keep track of all the seconds to deduct from my final time. SOOOO frustrating! In any case, I timed around 37:33, although the website has a different idea about "Virtual Time" which I don't really understand, but that was 36:44. ~stats here, if you filter to Milwaukee, WI.

So while the watch/traffic screwing up my race, the awful awful work day, and the lovers quarrel that followed that evening all got me pretty down, my 9 mi on Saturday picked me right back up! I ran it a little faster than I should've...I wasn't out of breath by any means, but it averaged 10:30min miles...an average that maybe I should save for actual Half Day. But it felt good, so I kept with it! As I mentioned above, however, my legs were screaming at me. Ugh. And I couldn't really walk correctly until about three hours after the run! It freaks me out because I'm like: "if its like this after 'only' nine miles, what will 13.1 feel like?!! Or worse, the 14 that I have to do in THREE WEEKS???" Freaks me out. Did I mention that? So I just need to take it easy, and again, not go so fast that my legs are wondering what the deal is. The good news is my knees are getting better, I can feel it. I haven't felt the need to ice them (tho I probably should).

Snow. I am soooooooooooo OVER IT. Like I mentioned for my 8mi, I ran the lakefront path and it was clear for the most part, but sections were pretty bad. Well for some stupid reason, despite the fact that we got MORE snow last week, I thought it'd be a stellar idea to run the same path. It was even worse! On the one hand, it kept me at a slow pace, but on the other, it didn't even matter because I was huffing and puffing so hard from the bounding I had to do over all the snow piles. Not to mention trying desperately to avoid rolling my ankle...unsuccessfully I might add. At one point, I wanted to throw knives at people because I got to a stretch of sidewalk...SIDEWALK...that snow had completely drifted over...at least three feet. This whole time, I had been trying to keep an even pace, at least a jogging pace over the snow, but I finally was forced to completely stop in order to step into pre-made footholes inside of the mountain of snow. I mean, it's really frustrating when you're already in 4miles, have a good pace going, and just have to stop for some stupid reason.

Ok I'm done complaining. It's supposed to be FIFTY this Saturday!!!!

But speaking of Saturday...the day I'm supposed to run 10 miles...double digits...FINALLY. So yeah, in the wee hours of the morning, around 4:30 or so, I awoke to someone throwing knives into my throat. In other words, I'm getting a cold. Another one. Now, I usually have two colds in the winter...pretty typical. But I thought, maybe with my new healthy lifestyle I'd avoid the second one. Totally jinxed myself. So I'm sucking on Zicam, throwing down water and tea, and peeing like it's going out of style. And I'm already planning on a sick day tomorrow. Not because I can't work with a cold, because clearly I'm not that sick, but just so I can reeeeeeallly get some sleep in. At this stage in the game, any sickness or injury is such a liability. I mean I still remember my posts from the Hiatus Comeback and how the phlegm from my cold was SUCH a damper on my runs. If I wasn't such a Mucus Queen, it wouldn't be a problem, but I seriously have crazy leaky faucet nose even when I'm perfectly healthy and its 55 degrees outside. I'm supposed to go 4.5mi tomorrow, and while I currently feel well enough to run, I shouldn't push the envelope as there will be NOTHING that stops my long run on Saturday. NOTHING.

Finally, one of my fave running chicas posted this Push Ups Challenge that looks like something I'm pretty much going to definitely do. Six Weeks | 100 Push Ups. Now, I am NOT a push up person. And my arms are my absolutely least favorite body feature. So with six weeks left in my Half Training, I think this will be a great addition to my cross training schedule. So along with Beth's Kickass Motivational Greatness List, I'm going to print out the schedule and get crackin', cold or no cold!

Good luck out there to the rest of my running friends!! Spring is right around the corner :)

PS My next post, if not devoted to how much I hate getting sick, will discuss all of the running gear and accoutrements I've been coveting these past few weeks!! And SOME of which I may be able to actually buy because guess who just got her ATT Uverse Rebate Cards in the mail this afternoon!! HOLLA!!!!! (Sorry I just got this news and it totally made my day!!)

t'shirt weather and bad runs

Not to make this blog completely negative (AGAIN), I will first say that:
1. it's gorgeous outside! Ok it's like 35 degrees, but with the sun it just feels warmer! SO warm, in fact, that a mile and a half into my run today, I had to take of my jacket and tie it around my waist! T'shirt weather!! The last time I wore a t'shirt was the Halloween run on Oct 31st.
2. Tuesday's run was awesome!! I felt good and I did 4mi in 37mins!

Today was another 4mi run, and I thought: bah, piece of cake! But my Lenten give-up squeezed itself into my running world because this was not so much a piece of cake. On a good note, I was so happy for the sunshine! I had officially bought a pair of MEN'S Dockers sporty sunglasses for $15. Trotting along, however, I just couldn't get into the groove and it kept getting worse. My legs felt horrible, a mixture of stiff and rickety like an old prison cell. Yes, that's it, I felt like my body was a prison cell and my happy-sunny-runner inside couldn't break free!!

About a mile in, I wanted to just turn back. I rarely get this feeling, but it's like an overpowering fear...just the simple three more miles ahead of me felt overwhelming and I wanted to stop. But a. I felt too lazy to turn and walk back (which sounds funny to me...walking more daunting then running?), and b. I was wearing running tights...there is no walking in running tights. I don't want people to laugh at me?? So laziness and fear of embarrassment kept me going. Into mile 2, I thought about just cutting the 4mi short, but I decided to focus on the mantra that, when training for a half marathon, distance is far more important than speed...so press on dear padawan! So I decided to just take this opportunity as a blessing in disguise to practice what I think I'll call my "Half Marathon Shuffle." Little slow steps that decrease my pace and conserve energy. Well this didn't really help at all and actually made me feel worse, I have no idea why. Mile 3 my legs continued to hurt which was a surprise to me. Whenever my knees hurt, they always get better halfway through my run, as my body loosens up...and then I finish feeling good. In this case, they just felt worse and worse and the pain spread all over...to the point where slowing down (yes even MORE so)--or God forbid, stopping at a crosswalk, was murder. It took every ounce of energy to do it.

I surpassed the 37 minute mark with a quite of bit left to run. In my head I had already given up (but what the heck am I giving up on if I'm STILL running? I ask myself now!) I got to the last block...I always ALWAYS sprint the last block, roughly 6:30min mile speed. I couldn't even muster so much as a quick jaunt. I basically tumbled to the imaginary finish line feeling super defeated. I looked at my watch, and my brain read 45:02...a far cry from my 37 minutes from Tuesday. I wanted to curl up in a ball, I couldn't bare the thought of getting cleaned up and changing and going back to my desk. I seriously wanted to cry...I was completely depressed...which never happens after I run.

Then......WHILE getting dressed, I just so happened to look at my watch again. 42:05. Wait what? I literally had to stare down at it for a good 30 seconds to make sure my dyslexic brain in its depressive fog had truly mixed up the numbers earlier. Indeed it did. And that's when I absolutely laughed out loud at myself. How ridiculous ARE you, Katie? Getting depressed over something so silly and not only silly, but false. Because it seriously doesn't matter if I ran 4 miles in 37 minutes, 45 minutes, or 42 minutes. It's that I ran 4 miles at all. And if I'm going to be running 13.1 miles, I better as hell spring for an attitude adjustment.

With that said, I'm trying to stay positive about my 8mi run on Saturday. I'm wondering if perhaps I was dehydrated and low on calories today because of fasting yesterday and that's what did it. I also didn't wait long enough between eating lunch and running, which could've made me feel logey. Whatever the excuse, I think a positive attitude goes a long way, and the break from city running will probably help if I add more serene park paths this weekend.

Speaking of the weekend, I wish my tiny handful of readers happy running and happy weekends :)

** I would like to add to this post, that I happened upon the marathorookien.com website, and these absolutely incredible stories have truly cheered me up. While I haven't run a marathon, or even a half marathon yet, I feel so honored to be a part of such an amazing and inspirational group of people: Runners. (And yes, I'm currently weeping at my desk, but for good stuff, no longer bad...)

Ooooh gift ideas!

Quick post, via Beth Risdon's column. [I'm going to double up and probably post a couple of these at my Love on a Budget blog, but it's more relatable here first.]

Some super awesome and rad gift ideas for the girly runners in YOUR life (hopefully our mates read these blogs hey ladies?) The one I most particularly like is the charm idea. So cute! Stuff like that is always so thoughtful. A friend/coworker of mine mailed me a "Runner Girl" bumper sticker awhile back and it just totally made my month! It makes you that much more motivated!

Half Training - Week Two

To cap off Week Two of my half training...awesome awesome AWESOME 5 mile run!!! I haven't had a run like that in ages! The further I went, the better I felt, and it's those kind of runs you just dream of, right?! I FELT like a real runner out there....instead of a heaving, struggling, sack of crap like my other runs have felt haha! I felt so swift and compact and my breathing was almost effortless...instead of struggling to maintain my oxygen levels like the past couple weeks. Anyway, one reason this happened is because I went slow. I did exactly ten minute miles almost the whole way (the last 1/2-1mi I did faster). Last year my main goal was to quicken my pace so I could get good times in my races. But today some light bulb went on inside my head. This year I'm training for a half marathon (duh) and the key is to maintain a certain energy level, rather than gain speed (duh again). If I feel anything like I felt today on that half marathon day...well then that run will feel fabulous. And I want it to feel fabulous. (And by "fabulous" I mean not-wanting-to-puke-my-brains-out fab, as opposed to sitting-on-a-beach-with-an-umbrella-drink-in-my-hand fab.)

ANYWAY! This Lightbulb Moment really helps me to hone in on my focus in these next ten weeks of training. I know it was just the beginning back there, but I was getting all kinds of discouraged. Classic Katie. This run was just what I needed to make me feel like a runner again!

2010

Post last published on November 1st, wow that's pretty awful! While I'm not one to make excuses (who am I kidding?), the month of December was anything BUT an opportunity for extra time to squeeze running into the picture. So I took a month hiatus (I believe the last time I ran was on Dec 3rd?) In addition to preparing for the holidays, which included shopping, wrapping, baking, cooking, and hand-making 43 unique Christmas cards, each one different, I packed up my entire life and moved in with my boyfriend. I will tell you right now that the worst possible time for you to move in Wisconsin is in the winter, but worse is during Christmas. I seriously don't know what I was thinking. On moving day--December 26th--of course it had to snow...of course it did. And the cleaning, my God the cleaning. I lived in my old apartment for four years and that is four years of dirt in places you never knew existed. In any case, I am currently as snug as a bug in a really large, gorgeous, Arts and Crafts style second floor apartment, a block from Lake Michigan, with two cats, and a seriously amazing boyfriend.



Now that I'm settled, I can restart my life back up again, and that includes my life as a runner! So with that said, here are some goals for 2010.

-Overcome my fear of running in Wisconsin winters.

I do perfectly well with cold runs, in fact, I really enjoy them because I "run hot," in other words, I run in a t-shirt and shorts when it's 40 degrees outside, and I'm still sweaty. But in the winter it isn't 40. Oh no my dears. Right now it's 12 degrees outside and that's actually not bad. The low for Sunday is supposed to hover right around zero. Now I got a pair of nice cozy running gloves for Christmas. For my birthday, which is Wednesday, my stepdad is taking me to a running store for a little spending spree! So I'll pick up some running tights and a hoodie, and perhaps look into a face mask of some kind because the worst part about winter running is breathing zero degree air into your lungs. Another negative to running in the winter is the darkness. I wake up, it's dark. I get out of work, it's dark. And while Milwaukee isn't the worst crime-ridden city...oh wait, yeah it is! We rank Number 9 so that's awesome and really makes me want to venture out into the darkness.

Now, I thought about joining a gym for two months (January and February are rough here, but March isn't bad at all, that's when I started running, and it was mostly 35-45 degrees, very handle-able!), but a. I don't know if I really want to shell out the money for a gym, and b. you just don't get the same workout on a treadmill that you do in the outdoors (and it's definitely REALLY boring too!) So this winter thing is a biggie, and I truly hope to find the motivation to get out there.

-More races!

I have a really good friend at work who seriously kicks major ass at running. She did 18 races this past year and wants to surpass that goal big time this year. We're not competitive with one another per se because she's clearly a more established runner than I am ;) However, she gives me a lot of motivation to kind of "keep up" with her abilities! So I'd love to sign up for more races and keep my running spirit alive that way.


-Run a half marathon questionmark???

And speaking of running in more races, I recently read on a running blog I follow, a fellow beginner runner is going to try a half marathon in the spring. She recently ran her first 5K, so this is a pretty huge goal! But she set up shop with a trainer and, while it's a huge goal, it's also a realistic goal if she truly puts her mind, spirit, and energy into it! Well this got me thinking: There's a half marathon literally right in my new neighborhood this April. It's SO tempting, but originally my "big running goal" for 2010 was just a 15K in the fall. Now that would be 9 miles vs 13 miles, so slapping an extra 4 miles onto my original goal...and then moving it up six months...is no big deal at all right? Right??

I definitely need a kick in the ass, in regards to the aforementioned winter blahs putting a kink into my routine. I had a good thing going back there and was up to 7 miles, and a pretty easy 7 miles at that! When I was in my prime, around November, reaching the 9 mile mark was going to be a piece of cake. Now maybe not so much, but I don't think a month off put me too far off track. So with that said, I think waiting for my "giant goal" of a 9 mile race waaaaaay off in October isn't as exciting AND we all know that Katie needs exciting goals to keep herself motivated. So with this said, I'm just going to keep my options open. The Half barely costs anything and I can sign up day of, no big deal.

Alright, so that's 2010 for you! This is the year I spend being 30 years old, so it's a red letter year for sure. I'd love to make it count.