t'shirt weather and bad runs

Not to make this blog completely negative (AGAIN), I will first say that:
1. it's gorgeous outside! Ok it's like 35 degrees, but with the sun it just feels warmer! SO warm, in fact, that a mile and a half into my run today, I had to take of my jacket and tie it around my waist! T'shirt weather!! The last time I wore a t'shirt was the Halloween run on Oct 31st.
2. Tuesday's run was awesome!! I felt good and I did 4mi in 37mins!

Today was another 4mi run, and I thought: bah, piece of cake! But my Lenten give-up squeezed itself into my running world because this was not so much a piece of cake. On a good note, I was so happy for the sunshine! I had officially bought a pair of MEN'S Dockers sporty sunglasses for $15. Trotting along, however, I just couldn't get into the groove and it kept getting worse. My legs felt horrible, a mixture of stiff and rickety like an old prison cell. Yes, that's it, I felt like my body was a prison cell and my happy-sunny-runner inside couldn't break free!!

About a mile in, I wanted to just turn back. I rarely get this feeling, but it's like an overpowering fear...just the simple three more miles ahead of me felt overwhelming and I wanted to stop. But a. I felt too lazy to turn and walk back (which sounds funny to me...walking more daunting then running?), and b. I was wearing running tights...there is no walking in running tights. I don't want people to laugh at me?? So laziness and fear of embarrassment kept me going. Into mile 2, I thought about just cutting the 4mi short, but I decided to focus on the mantra that, when training for a half marathon, distance is far more important than speed...so press on dear padawan! So I decided to just take this opportunity as a blessing in disguise to practice what I think I'll call my "Half Marathon Shuffle." Little slow steps that decrease my pace and conserve energy. Well this didn't really help at all and actually made me feel worse, I have no idea why. Mile 3 my legs continued to hurt which was a surprise to me. Whenever my knees hurt, they always get better halfway through my run, as my body loosens up...and then I finish feeling good. In this case, they just felt worse and worse and the pain spread all over...to the point where slowing down (yes even MORE so)--or God forbid, stopping at a crosswalk, was murder. It took every ounce of energy to do it.

I surpassed the 37 minute mark with a quite of bit left to run. In my head I had already given up (but what the heck am I giving up on if I'm STILL running? I ask myself now!) I got to the last block...I always ALWAYS sprint the last block, roughly 6:30min mile speed. I couldn't even muster so much as a quick jaunt. I basically tumbled to the imaginary finish line feeling super defeated. I looked at my watch, and my brain read 45:02...a far cry from my 37 minutes from Tuesday. I wanted to curl up in a ball, I couldn't bare the thought of getting cleaned up and changing and going back to my desk. I seriously wanted to cry...I was completely depressed...which never happens after I run.

Then......WHILE getting dressed, I just so happened to look at my watch again. 42:05. Wait what? I literally had to stare down at it for a good 30 seconds to make sure my dyslexic brain in its depressive fog had truly mixed up the numbers earlier. Indeed it did. And that's when I absolutely laughed out loud at myself. How ridiculous ARE you, Katie? Getting depressed over something so silly and not only silly, but false. Because it seriously doesn't matter if I ran 4 miles in 37 minutes, 45 minutes, or 42 minutes. It's that I ran 4 miles at all. And if I'm going to be running 13.1 miles, I better as hell spring for an attitude adjustment.

With that said, I'm trying to stay positive about my 8mi run on Saturday. I'm wondering if perhaps I was dehydrated and low on calories today because of fasting yesterday and that's what did it. I also didn't wait long enough between eating lunch and running, which could've made me feel logey. Whatever the excuse, I think a positive attitude goes a long way, and the break from city running will probably help if I add more serene park paths this weekend.

Speaking of the weekend, I wish my tiny handful of readers happy running and happy weekends :)

** I would like to add to this post, that I happened upon the marathorookien.com website, and these absolutely incredible stories have truly cheered me up. While I haven't run a marathon, or even a half marathon yet, I feel so honored to be a part of such an amazing and inspirational group of people: Runners. (And yes, I'm currently weeping at my desk, but for good stuff, no longer bad...)