For as long as I can remember, I told people "I can't run." But in March of 2009, I decided that this was no longer an option. From my first 5K to my second half marathon, I've endured my highest highs and lowest lows as an official Runner. This year I want to embrace running for something beyond times and distances.

Running is so much more than merely getting out there. I want to get out there and love it.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

t'shirt weather and bad runs

Not to make this blog completely negative (AGAIN), I will first say that:
1. it's gorgeous outside! Ok it's like 35 degrees, but with the sun it just feels warmer! SO warm, in fact, that a mile and a half into my run today, I had to take of my jacket and tie it around my waist! T'shirt weather!! The last time I wore a t'shirt was the Halloween run on Oct 31st.
2. Tuesday's run was awesome!! I felt good and I did 4mi in 37mins!

Today was another 4mi run, and I thought: bah, piece of cake! But my Lenten give-up squeezed itself into my running world because this was not so much a piece of cake. On a good note, I was so happy for the sunshine! I had officially bought a pair of MEN'S Dockers sporty sunglasses for $15. Trotting along, however, I just couldn't get into the groove and it kept getting worse. My legs felt horrible, a mixture of stiff and rickety like an old prison cell. Yes, that's it, I felt like my body was a prison cell and my happy-sunny-runner inside couldn't break free!!

About a mile in, I wanted to just turn back. I rarely get this feeling, but it's like an overpowering fear...just the simple three more miles ahead of me felt overwhelming and I wanted to stop. But a. I felt too lazy to turn and walk back (which sounds funny to me...walking more daunting then running?), and b. I was wearing running tights...there is no walking in running tights. I don't want people to laugh at me?? So laziness and fear of embarrassment kept me going. Into mile 2, I thought about just cutting the 4mi short, but I decided to focus on the mantra that, when training for a half marathon, distance is far more important than press on dear padawan! So I decided to just take this opportunity as a blessing in disguise to practice what I think I'll call my "Half Marathon Shuffle." Little slow steps that decrease my pace and conserve energy. Well this didn't really help at all and actually made me feel worse, I have no idea why. Mile 3 my legs continued to hurt which was a surprise to me. Whenever my knees hurt, they always get better halfway through my run, as my body loosens up...and then I finish feeling good. In this case, they just felt worse and worse and the pain spread all the point where slowing down (yes even MORE so)--or God forbid, stopping at a crosswalk, was murder. It took every ounce of energy to do it.

I surpassed the 37 minute mark with a quite of bit left to run. In my head I had already given up (but what the heck am I giving up on if I'm STILL running? I ask myself now!) I got to the last block...I always ALWAYS sprint the last block, roughly 6:30min mile speed. I couldn't even muster so much as a quick jaunt. I basically tumbled to the imaginary finish line feeling super defeated. I looked at my watch, and my brain read 45:02...a far cry from my 37 minutes from Tuesday. I wanted to curl up in a ball, I couldn't bare the thought of getting cleaned up and changing and going back to my desk. I seriously wanted to cry...I was completely depressed...which never happens after I run.

Then......WHILE getting dressed, I just so happened to look at my watch again. 42:05. Wait what? I literally had to stare down at it for a good 30 seconds to make sure my dyslexic brain in its depressive fog had truly mixed up the numbers earlier. Indeed it did. And that's when I absolutely laughed out loud at myself. How ridiculous ARE you, Katie? Getting depressed over something so silly and not only silly, but false. Because it seriously doesn't matter if I ran 4 miles in 37 minutes, 45 minutes, or 42 minutes. It's that I ran 4 miles at all. And if I'm going to be running 13.1 miles, I better as hell spring for an attitude adjustment.

With that said, I'm trying to stay positive about my 8mi run on Saturday. I'm wondering if perhaps I was dehydrated and low on calories today because of fasting yesterday and that's what did it. I also didn't wait long enough between eating lunch and running, which could've made me feel logey. Whatever the excuse, I think a positive attitude goes a long way, and the break from city running will probably help if I add more serene park paths this weekend.

Speaking of the weekend, I wish my tiny handful of readers happy running and happy weekends :)

** I would like to add to this post, that I happened upon the website, and these absolutely incredible stories have truly cheered me up. While I haven't run a marathon, or even a half marathon yet, I feel so honored to be a part of such an amazing and inspirational group of people: Runners. (And yes, I'm currently weeping at my desk, but for good stuff, no longer bad...)


  1. Gotta love those bad runs...makes you appreciate the good ones.

    You are totally going to jam those 8 miles this weekend....just remember..good tunes..and 2 minutes slower per mile...or at least try :)

  2. I agree...the sweet ain't as sweet without the sour ;)

    I got some Hammer Gel at InStep today by the way! I thought I'd try it this weekend to see how it jives...yum! But yeah, I will definitely "Half Marathon Shuffle" it up...

  3. Let me know how you like them...and what flavor!! So far I've had the huckelberry and raspberry...both were awesome..although I liked the huckelberry better. Not sure what I'm taking out with me today...but I'm sure I'll blog about it later...

    Have a great run this weekend!